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Is a mother’s relationship with her son all that different than her relationship with her daughter?
Definitely, mothers and daughters share a lot while mothers and sons start out being different, and they continue to be different as time passes. They are raised in different cultures, so children grow up with a "Male Code" and a "Female Code." Mothers have to make the effort to learn about the "Male Code."
How does a strong mother-son relationship develop?
It starts with consistency, patience, and emotional closeness, which are important for all babies, and the process is the same for boys and girls. Be aware of cultural or family messages that would pressure you to distance from your son when he is very young. Accept the fact that boys have a different communication style. Respect your son’s need for emotional space. Be willing to overcome the fundamental differences of male/female in order to communicate.
Nearly every mother knows how hard it can be to communicate with her son. Sometimes it seems as her son grows older, he grows more distant. How can we get our sons to talk to us?
Don’t try to approach your son like you would your daughter. Wait and watch for cues that your son is willing to talk. Ease into a conversation slowly and carefully. Give him something to keep his hands busy while he talks. Don’t make an emotional or dramatic response. Remember the "male code." Let him choose the time to talk.
What about single moms? If there is no father figure living in the house to help a son feel "manly," can a single mother ever hope to succeed with her son?
Whether single or married, the mother-son relationship is very important, and single moms can be just as successful as a couple in raising boys. It just takes a very conscious effort to understand and practice the "male code." Don’t solve problems for him. Let him find "manly" ways to solve his problem. Also, be sure there are positive, trustworthy males in his life to add to what you do: grandparent, teacher, adult family friends, etc.
For more information on relationships, call 553-3000 or toll-free (877) 553-3001 or email info@heartlandfamilyservice.org
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