How Can You Help a Victim of Domestic Abuse?

You may know that October is Domestic Abuse Awareness Month. The sad fact is that domestic abuse is all around us, and even if we are not victims ourselves, a victim is assaulted every 15 seconds in America. That means it happens to our neighbors, our co-workers, our friends and family. But if the typical victim doesn’t talk about it, how can a person tell if there is a problem?

• Have you seen a change in the person’s behavior, or mood changes?
• Does the person stay isolated from family members or move often?
• Does she have no close friends?
• Does she seem obviously troubled and unwilling to talk about it?

People often blame the victim. They say, "I would never let that happen to me. Why doesn’t she just leave?"

Domestic abuse doesn’t just “happen” one day. It develops over time as the abuser exerts improper power and control. Some people are just not as assertive as others, and abusers take advantage of them. Some men and women grow up with fathers who abuse their mothers. They learn that abuse is "normal."

How can someone have that much control over another?

Abusers control the victim with fear, and often threaten to also hurt the children if the victim tries to leave. Abusers often cut the victim away from any means of self-protection. They control the use of the car and the time spent away from the house. They control all the finances, and limit contacts with friends and family. They often move a lot, in order to better hide the abuse.

What if you suspect a problem and aren’t sure what to do?

Call our crisis line and describe the situation. They will give specific ideas how to help. Call the crisis line for any reason.

Ask the person. Tell her what you see and that you are concerned. Let her know you are willing to help her find some answers.

What other ways can people help?

• Be involved. 
• Encourage the victim to get help. 
• Give her a brochure or wallet card. 
• Sit with her as she calls the crisis line. 
• Call the crisis line for her, or go with her to see a counselor. Victims are scared and need a lot of encouragement to reach out for help.
• Don’t confront the abuser. They are unpredictable, and you could be endangering the victim. The abuser needs help too, but until they both get help, things rarely change.

For more information on relationships, call 553-3000 or toll-free (877) 553-3001 or email info@heartlandfamilyservice.org