Overcoming the Holiday “Greedies”

Helping Your Child Develop a "Civilized" Attitude about Gifts.

Let’s start by defining greed. What does it mean to be "greedy?"

Greed is simply the desire for things that goes beyond whatever is normal for your family. There are things a child needs and things he or she wants. Greed is an empty craving for things.

Is it normal for kids to be greedy?

Yes. Children are born thinking only of their own needs and how to get what they want. That’s how all of us begin. They like to be surrounded by things. If it shines, whistles, cries, dances, moves fast or is just bigger and better; children want it. Having a lot of things makes them feel powerful and in control, just like adults. So the parents’ duty is to "civilize" children by teach them self-control. Controlling greed is part of self-control, and the holidays are a perfect time to do that.

Ok, so now we understand greed – how do we prevent it?

1. Have your children make a "wish list," and mark their most wanted items. Let them know early that they won’t (and shouldn’t) get everything on the list. Working on a wish list forces children to understand how much they are asking for & what is really important to them.
2. Allow sneak previews. If a gift for your young child arrives early in the mail, let him open it. Early presents take some of the tension away, as well as occupying your child during this busy time.
3. Don’t be afraid to say you can’t afford something. It’s very important for children to understand the concept of limits. Encourage them to give gifts to others, especially if they are spending their own money. (They learn about limits quickly when they have very little.) Promises are fine gifts. Help them make little booklets of "promise certificates" – written promises of things they will do for someone when that person "collects" on the promise. Consider reading a book together, mowing the lawn, cooking a dinner or arranging a visit. Show them what you mean by giving your family a present of fun together – don’t always focus on "things."
4. And remember older people and the less fortunate – teach your children to help a neighbor with a chore or give up one new toy for a needy child. Look into "Adopt a Family" programs, and consider adopting a family for a whole year.

What about when the family opens presents?

Accept the fact that your children may be too excited to be polite – but remind them anyway. Slow the pace – take turns opening gifts, so you can demonstrate how to be polite when receiving a gift. Focus on the feelings of goodwill and on the generosity of the giver. And if certain presents soon lose their novelty, set them aside for later. A neglected gift might mean more again in January or February.

So what do children actually need from their parents for the holidays?

1. To learn realistic expectations about gifts that will help them understand the importance of balance in their lives.
2. Traditions that support a strong sense of "family"—traditions they will share with their own children.
3. The opportunity to spend some relaxed time together so you can explore what the holidays mean to your family.
4. Even pacing of holiday activities and a somewhat regular schedule to maintain established family routines.

None of the above can be purchased, but these are gifts that last a lifetime. These are the special gifts that a family shares.

For more information on parenting children, call 553-3000 or toll-free (877) 553-3001 or email info@heartlandfamilyservice.org