| Since it usually takes some time to decide whether or not you will move, should you involve the children in the decision?
Usually the decision to move has to be determined by the needs of the adults, rather than how the children react to the idea. But you have to respect their opinions and feelings about moving their home. When you're fairly certain about the move, sit down as a family, and discuss the pros and cons. Be receptive to their feelings and apprehension. Remember they may be feeling a loss of control, so they may be angry, depending on their age.
When the decision to move is made, how should you break the news to the children?
Tell your children as soon as the decision is final. Be optimistic. Build excitement. But also acknowledge their anxiety, fears and sadness; and be prepared for their reluctance to leave friends and familiar places. Involve them in the plans for the move; like decorating their room or deciding the places to visit in a new town.
It it true that summer is the best time to move?
In spite of popular opinion, mid-summer moves are not necessarily the best time for school children. Many children can make friends more easily if they move directly into a new school, rather than moving into a new neighborhood during the summer when potential friends are not as available. In mid-year, teachers and students often have time to give newcomers attention after they have established a classroom routine.
However, if you do move in the summer, make a special effort to help your child find friends in his or her neighborhood – take walks, visit neighborhood pools and parks. Consider enrolling your child in summer recreation programs, or even those creative summer school classes.
What about after the move?
How can you help the children adjust?
It's amazing how well children can adapt to new experiences. Stay positive. Don’t dwell on their sadness. Encourage them to keep in touch with old friends -- write letters and make phone calls. Make plans to get together at a specific date. And as their new life develops, you'll notice that your children will have less of a need to lean on you for nurturing and support.
For more information on moving with children, call 553-3000 or toll-free (877) 553-3001 or email info@heartlandfamilyservice.org
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