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Judges in the Omaha/Council Bluffs metro area have ordered that all divorcing parents of minor children must attend a parenting class about how divorce affects their children. Generally speaking, how do kids handle it when their parents divorce?
Generally speaking, not very well. It depends on how well the parents handle the divorce. Research shows that children can survive a divorce, and they do best when both parents make a commitment to be strong parents in spite of the separation. So it’s up to the parents to step away from their pain and focus on the best future for their children.
What are children feeling, and what are their warning signs?
Children are usually confused about the reasons and feel threatened about their own survival. They wonder if mom and dad can divorce, could they divorce the children, too? Divorce is very much like a death in the family, and children experience denial, depression, fear, anger and false hope before they accept the new lifestyle and adjust to it. The problem is complicated when the parents are so wrapped up in their own problems and confusion that they may not see how the child is adapting. Children are often overlooked in the process.
Divorce is an extremely difficult time for children, and without special emotional support, their healthy adult development can suffer. The warning signs can include temper tantrums, anger at both parents, school problems, sleep problems, regressive bed-wetting and thumb-sucking, anxiety, lack of concentration, crying jags, threats, disobedience, intentional misbehavior, and/or aggressiveness.
What can parents do to minimize the problems for their children?
Children need to feel like they have not "lost" a parent because of the divorce. They need to know that they still have two parents who love them and will take an active part in their lives. It's important to reassure your child that the divorce is not her fault. Make sure that your children see that they now have two fully functioning homes, rather than one. Above all, get the professional help the entire family needs as you all face this life-changing experience. It’s just to painful and risky to do this without help, that’s why the courts require the classes.
What does Heartland Family Service offer divorcing families?
Heartland Family Service offers professional counseling for divorcing families, which can involve adults only or include the children as well. It is very effective for one or both adults to go through the process with a counselor, to help minimize the negative effects on the children.
For more information on divorcing families,
call (402) 553-3000
or email info@heartlandfamilyservice.org
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