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 Nick’s long hair, black T-shirt and baggy jeans put a lot of people on guard — they wondered if he was trouble. The teenager’s mouth and manner usually confirmed their suspicions. Nick had attitude for everyone, save for a small gang of friends from his “crowd.” He ranted at his mother; he blew his teachers off — sometimes with a smirk, sometimes with a yell. He was failing every class. He criticized and mocked his fellow students. His conversations were vulgar. He smoked marijuana daily. Nick disrespected everyone, including himself. He was trouble.
Nick was placed on house arrest after a fight at school. He had gotten angry and “just snapped.” He could not remember why he was angry – it seemed like he was always angry, he said.
Nick was assigned to the Heartland Family Service Juvenile Justice program to complete his court-ordered house arrest requirements. He had to stay off drugs and perform community service. He was allowed to leave home only to go to school or to his part-time job at a carwash.
When Nick met Trisha, our juvenile justice officer assigned to work with him, he was all attitude. He let her know in typical Nick fashion – with profanity and anger – that he did not need someone else “treating him like he was stupid” and “telling him what to do.” Trisha’s response was firm and clear. She did not yell at Nick. She didn’t call the police. She told him she knew he was not stupid and reminded him that his participation was required to complete his sentence and stay out of a detention center.
Nick continued to display a defiant attitude when Trisha conducted curfew and drug tests. She showed up at his work, at school, at home – even in the middle of the night – to check on him. All the while Trisha continued to treat Nick with respect. She didn’t take his guff, but she had a way of talking to him. Nick began to respect her. It was while he was cleaning a ball field for community service that Nick finally opened up. He told Trisha that he wished his teachers would respect him the way she did. “They all think they are better than me . . . all of them. They think I’m a reject.” It was a breakthrough. Having earned Nick’s respect and his attention, Trisha reminded him that he was in charge of his life. He had the choice, every day, to live up to the negative expectations his teachers had of him, or to surpass those expectations and change their perceptions.
Trisha got less attitude from Nick now. In fact, he was friendly. She used their time together at community service to encourage him to stay clean. Over and over she reminded Nick that his life would equal the sum of his decisions. He needed to be accountable and take responsibility for his life.
Starting with Trisha, Nick began to understand that everyone was not against him. His attitude softened towards his teachers and other students. With his guard down, Nick was open to learn and he was willing to try. His teachers noticed that he was less confrontational, and were happy to report improvement in his behavior and grades. He was passing every class, earning several Cs and Bs!
Nick successfully completed his house arrest and probation. His attitude improved and he was willing to apply himself and really try to succeed. But more than that, Nick learned how to trust others . . . and himself.
Please note that the name, photo and some details of Nick’s story are changed to protect his confidentiality.
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